XVI THE WAY OUT

I do not think it is an exaggeration to describe England as a Scot-ridden country. To whatever department of activity one looks one finds therein, working his way up for all he is worth and by not over-scrupulous methods, the so-called canny Scot. In some professions, notably that of journalism, as I have shown, he has made himself more or less predominant. In banks, offices, and manufactories he is to be found as frequently as not, ruling the roost in the capacity of manager or overseer; and in the general atmosphere of Anglo-Saxon business life there is a persistent feel of him. That he should come from his own heathery wastes and starved townlets to a richer land is quite[205] natural. That he should desire to do his best for himself and for people of his own blood is also natural. But that he should put on airs and forget that, after all, he is an alien and a person who by good right is with us only on sufferance, is the mistake he makes. The power that he has got for himself has been won largely by combination and advertisement. The Scotch superstition is the oyster out of which he lives. That superstition was never more general than it is to-day, and the advertisement of Scottish virtues and Scottish capacities was never in merrier progress. The time has come, I think, for Englishmen to make a stand in the matter. At any rate, the time has come for the Scotchman to be taught his place. One would hesitate to suggest that he should be got rid of entirely, for he has his uses and his good qualities. As a hewer of wood and a drawer of water, as a person fitted by temperament for the exercise of mechanical functions, he is all very well; but in matters where intellect and sparkle are required he[206] should be left severely alone. To rid the press of his influence would be an excellent thing for the press. It cannot be shown that he is of the least use in journalism, or that he does things any better, whether as reporter, sub-editor, or editor, than the average Englishman. And it can be shown that he has used his influence on the press for purposes which, however legitimate they may appear to him, are not in the public interest. It is not in the public interest that every newspaper one picks up should contain certificates of character for the Scotch; it is not in the public interest that he should be continually written down for a person of especial intellect, probity, shrewdness, humour, and the rest. His intellect, in point of fact, is middling; his probity merely average; his shrewdness questionable, and his humour neither here nor there. As a subordinate he is always a very doubtful bargain. As a person in authority he is just a bully—“a bad master,” as Dr. Nicoll puts it. Employers of labour would find it distinctly to[207] their interest to look into the question and to find out how far they are being imposed upon by mere sententiousness and wise looks with nothing behind them that is of consequence. It is not too much to say that if you have a Scotchman in your place of business, you are, as a rule, all the weaker for it. If you go thoroughly into him you will find that his only quality is his capacity for plod; as against this he has many ugly traits—jealousy, over-reachingness, and greediness among them. Rarely, if ever, does he understand his business, and of initiative and originality he is, as a rule, devoid. Changes and advances are not at all in his line. If you ask him for something new, something out of the ordinary, he will bring it to you and impress you (by talk) with the notion that you are getting what you want; but if you examine it, you will find that it is not new at all, and that really it is not what you want.

The Scot, in fact, rarely rises above mediocrity; he seldom has an inspiration or a happy thought; he cannot rise to occasions,[208] and while he is most punctual in his attention to duty and most assiduous and steadfast as a labourer, his work is never perfectly done, and too frequently it is scamped and carried out without regard to finish or excellence. Of pride or delight in labour the Scotchman knows nothing. He works in order that he may get money and secure his own personal advancement. His loyalty is a question of pounds, shillings, and pence; he will be loyal to you just as long as you are paying him more than he can get elsewhere, and the moment somebody comes along with a better offer, there is an end of you so far as he is concerned.

There are not wanting signs that, in spite of the manner in which it has been hidden and bolstered up, the Scotchman’s real character is beginning to be properly understood. Nobody can say, with any show of truth, that the Scot is either loved or admired by the peoples with whom he comes in contact outside his own country. Indeed, I believe that throughout England there is a very strong anti-Scotch feeling. I have found it difficult[209] to meet an Englishman who, if you questioned him straightly, would not admit that he has a rooted dislike for Scotchmen. That dislike the Scotchman has himself aroused. His bumptiousness and uncouthness, his lack of manners, his frequent lack of principle, and his want of decent feeling, have brought and will continue to bring their own reward. In this book I feel that I have merely touched the fringe of the subject. Facts that go to prove the main contentions I have laid down abound. I have not been able to use a tithe of them. Every person of understanding can give you instance after instance of the Scotchman’s underbredness, ineptitude, and disposition to meanness. Furthermore, Scotchmen themselves are full of such instances. Indeed, for the material used in most of the chapters of this work I am indebted to Scotchmen. From first to last I have done my best to convict them out of their own mouths, and if I have failed, the fault is not the fault of the Scotch.

For the general guidance of young Scotchmen[210] who wish to succeed in this country and who do not desire to add further opprobrium to the Scotch character, I shall offer a few broad hints, which are worth taking to heart:
I.     Remember that outside Scotland you are a good deal of a foreigner.
II.     Be assured that the King’s English is the language which decent men expect you to speak in England.
III.     Dourness is really not a virtue.
IV.     There is nothing specially creditable in having been born on a muck heap. Do not boast about it.
V.     There are greater virtues than thrift. It is better to die penniless than to have been too much of a saver.
VI.     Never undertake what you cannot do. A shut mouth and a sententious air will not serve you for ever.[211]
VII.     Do not set up to be a judge of any of the fine arts. You are not intended for it.
VIII.     Try to forget that the Battle of Bannockburn was won by the Scotch in 1314. The dates of Flodden and Culloden are much better worth remembering, though most Englishmen have forgotten both of them.
IX.     Do your best to live down Dr. Nicoll’s suggestion that you are not over-scrupulous in your methods of dealing with competitors.
X.     IF, WITHOUT SERIOUS INCONVENIENCE TO YOURSELF, YOU CAN MANAGE TO REMAIN AT HOME, PLEASE DO.