HEARTTHROB

Around the fire at dinner that night, Tally told the story ofhow she’d hidden in the river when the rangers’ helicopterfirst appeared. She had everyone wide-eyed again. Apparently,she’d had one of the more exciting journeys to theSmoke.
“Can you imagine? I’m naked and crouching down inthe water, and this Rusty machine is destroying my camp!”
“Why didn’t they land?” Astrix asked. “Didn’t they seeyour stuff?”
“I thought they did.”
“The rangers only pick up uglies in the white flowers,”
David explained. “That’s the rendezvous spot we tell runawaysto use. They can’t just pick up anyone, or they mightaccidentally bring a spy here.”
“I guess you wouldn’t want that,” Tally said softly.
“Still, they should be more careful with those helicopters,”
Shay said. “Someone’s going to get chopped to piecesone day.”
“Tell me about it. The wind almost took my hoverboardaway,” Tally said. “It lifted my sleeping bag right off theground and up into the blades. It was totally shredded.”
She was pleased by the amazement on the faces of heraudience.
“So where’d you sleep?” Croy asked.
“It wasn’t that bad. It was only for—” Tally stopped herselfjust in time. She’d spent one night without the sleepingbag, but in her cover story she’d spent four days in theorchids. “It was warm enough.”
“You’d better get a new one before bedtime,” Davidsaid. “It’s a lot colder up here than down in the weeds.”
“I’ll take her over to the trading post,” Shay said. “It’s likea requisition center, Tally. Only when you get something,you have to leave something else behind as payment.”
Tally shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still hadn’tgotten used to the idea that you had to pay for things here.
“All I’ve got is SpagBol.”
Shay smiled. “That’s perfect to trade with. We can’tmake dehydrated food here, except fruit, and traveling withregular food is a total pain. SpagBol’s good as gold.”
After dinner, Shay took her to a large hut near the center oftown. The shelves were full of things made in the Smoke,along with a few objects that had come from the cities. Thecity-made stuff was mostly shabby and worn, repairedagain and again, but the handmade things fascinated Tally.
She ran her still-raw fingers across the clay pots andwooden tools, amazed at how each had its own texture andUGLIES 221weight. Everything seemed so heavy and . . . serious.
An older ugly was running the place, but he wasn’t asscary as the Boss. He brought out woolen gear and a few silverysleeping bags. The blankets, scarves, and gloves werebeautiful, in subdued colors and simple patterns, but Shayinsisted that Tally get a city-made sleeping bag. “Muchlighter, and it squishes up small. Much better for when wego exploring.”
“Of course,” Tally said, trying to smile. “That’ll be great.”
She wound up trading twelve packets of SpagBol foranother sleeping bag, and six for a handmade sweater,which left her with eight. She couldn’t believe that thesweater, brown with bands of pale red and green highlights,cost half as much as the sleeping bag, which was threadbareand patched.
“You’re just lucky you didn’t lose your water purifier,”
Shay said as they walked home. “Those things are impossibleto trade for.”
Tally’s eyes widened. “What happens if they break?”
“Well, they say you can drink water from the streamswithout purifying it.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. A lot of the older Smokies do,” Shay said. “Evenif they’ve got a purifier, they don’t bother.”
“Yuck.”
Shay giggled. “Yeah, no kidding. But hey, you canalways use mine.”
222 Scott WesterfeldTally put a hand on Shay’s shoulder. “Same goes for mine.”
Shay’s pace slowed. “Tally?”
“Yeah?”
“You were going to say something to me, back in thelibrary, before the Boss started yelling at you.”
Tally’s stomach sank. She pulled away, her fingers automaticallygoing to the pendant at her neck.
“Yeah,” Shay said. “About that necklace.”
Tally nodded, but didn’t know how to start. She stillhadn’t activated the pendant, and since her conversationwith David, she wasn’t sure she could. Maybe if she returnedto the city in a month, starving and empty-handed, Dr.
Cable would take mercy on her.
But what if the woman kept her promise, and Tallynever got the operation? In twenty-something years, shewould be lined and wrinkled, as ugly as the Boss, an outcast.
And if she stayed here in the Smoke, she’d be sleepingin an old sleeping bag and dreading the day her water purifierbroke down.
She was so tired of lying to everyone. “I haven’t toldyou everything,” she started.
“I know. But I think I’ve got it figured out.”
Tally looked at her friend, afraid to speak.
“I mean, it’s pretty obvious, right? You’re all upsetbecause you broke your promise to me. You didn’t keep theSmoke a secret.”
Tally’s mouth fell open.
UGLIES 223Shay smiled, taking her hand. “As you got closer toyour birthday, you decided you wanted to run away. But inthe meantime, you met someone. Someone important. Thesame someone who gave you that heart necklace. So youbroke your promise to me. You told that someone whereyou were going.”
“Um, kind of,” Tally managed.
Shay giggled. “I knew it. That’s why you’ve been allnervous. You want to be here, but you also wish you weresomewhere else. With someone else. And before you ranaway, you left directions, a copy of my note, in case yournew heartthrob wants to join us. Am I right or am I right?”
Tally bit her lip. Shay’s face glowed in the moonlight,obviously thrilled with herself for figuring out Tally’s bigsecret. “Uh, you’re partly right.”
“Oh, Tally.” Shay grabbed both her shoulders. “Don’tyou see that it’s okay? I mean, I did the same thing.”
Tally frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone I was coming here.
David made me promise I wouldn’t even tell you.”
“Why?”
Shay nodded. “He hadn’t met you, and wasn’t sure if hecould trust you. Normally, runaways only recruit oldfriends, people they’ve tricked with for years. But I’d onlyknown you since the beginning of summer. And I neveronce mentioned the Smoke to you until the day before Ileft. I was never brave enough, in case you said no.”
224 Scott Westerfeld“So you weren’t supposed to tell me?”
“No way. So when you actually showed up, it madeeveryone nervous. They don’t know whether they can trustyou. Even David’s been acting weird around me.”
“Shay, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault!” Shay shook her head vigorously.
“It’s mine. I screwed everything up. But so what? Once theyget to know you, they’ll think you’re really cool.”
“Yeah,” Tally said softly. “Everyone’s been really nice.”
She wished she had activated the pendant the momentshe’d gotten there. In only one day she’d begun to realizethat it wasn’t just Shay’s dream she’d be betraying. Hundredsof people had made a life in the Smoke.
“And I’m sure your someone will be cool too,” Shaysaid. “I can’t wait till we’re all together.”
“I don’t know if . . . that’s going to happen.” There hadto be some other way out of this situation. Maybe if shewent to another city . . . or found the rangers again and toldthem that she wanted to volunteer, they’d make her pretty.
But she hardly knew anything about their city, except thatshe didn’t know anyone there. . . .
Shay shrugged. “Maybe not. But I wasn’t sure you’dcome either.” She squeezed Tally’s hand. “I’m really gladyou did, though.”
Tally tried to smile. “Even though I got you into trouble?”
“It’s not such a big deal. I think everyone’s way tooparanoid around here. They spend all this time disguisingUGLIES 225the place so satellites can’t see it, and they mask the handphonetransmissions so they won’t be intercepted. And allthe secrecy about runaways is way overdone. And dangerous.
Just think—if you hadn’t been smart enough to figureout my directions, you could be halfway to Alaska bynow!”
“I don’t know, Shay. Maybe they know what they’redoing. The city authorities can be pretty tough.”
Shay laughed. “Don’t tell me you believe in SpecialCircumstances.”
“I . . .” Tally closed her eyes. “I just think that theSmokies have to be careful.”
“Okay, sure. I’m not saying we should advertise. But ifpeople like you and me want to come out here and live differently,why shouldn’t we? I mean, no one has the right totell us we have to be pretty, right?”
“Maybe they’re just worried because we’re kids. Youknow?”
“That’s the problem with the cities, Tally. Everyone’s akid, pampered and dependent and pretty. Just like they sayin school: Big-eyed means vulnerable. Well, like you oncetold me, you have to grow up sometime.”
Tally nodded. “I know what you mean, how the uglieshere are more grown up. You can see it in their faces.”
Shay pulled Tally to a stop and looked at her closely fora second. “You feel guilty, don’t you?”
Tally looked back into Shay’s eyes, speechless for a226 Scott Westerfeldmoment. She suddenly felt naked in the cold night air, as ifShay could see straight through her lies.
“What?” she managed.
“Guilty. Not just that you told your someone about theSmoke, but that they might actually come. Now that you’veseen the Smoke, you’re not sure if that was such a goodidea.” Shay sighed. “I know it seems weird at first, and it’s alot of hard work. But I think you’ll eventually like it.”
Tally looked down, feeling tears welling into her eyes.
“It’s not that. Well, maybe it is. I just don’t know if Ican . . .” Her throat felt too full to speak. If she said anotherword, she’d have to tell Shay the truth: that she was a spy,a traitor sent there to destroy everything around them.
And that Shay was the fool who had led her there.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Shay gathered Tally in her arms, rockingher gently as Tally began to cry. “I’m sorry. I didn’t meanto unload everything on you at once. But I’ve felt kind ofdistant from you since you got here. It feels like you’re notsure you want to look at me.”
“I should tell you everything.”
“Shhh.” Tally felt Shay’s fingers stroking her hair. “I’mjust glad you’re here.”
Tally let herself cry, burying her face in the scratchywool sleeve of her new sweater, feeling Shay’s warmthagainst her, and feeling awful about every gesture of kindnessfrom her friend.
With half her mind, Tally was actually glad she’d comeUGLIES 227and seen all this. She could have lived her whole life in thecity and never seen this much of the world. With the otherhalf, Tally still wished she had activated the pendant themoment she’d arrived in the Smoke. It would have been somuch easier that way.
But there was no way back in time now. She had todecide whether to betray the Smoke or not, completelyunderstanding what it would do to Shay, to David, to everyonehere.
“It’s okay, Tally,” Shay murmured. “You’ll be okay.”