CHAPTER 1: Growing Up

I HAD A VERY FAVORABLE BEGINNING, although many of youmight not think so. I was born poor on a small farm on the outskirtsof a small town, and I’m thankful for that. I was happy in my childhood.
I had a woods to play in and a creek to swim in and room togrow. I wish that every child could have growing space because Ithink children are a little like plants. If they grow too close togetherthey become thin and sickly and never obtain maximum growth.Weneed room to grow.
We begin to prepare for the work that we have to do and customarilywe have no idea what we are preparing for. So as a child Ihad no idea what I was preparing for. And yet, of course, I was inmany respects preparing. I was preparing for the pilgrimage when Ichose my rule of ‘first things first’ and began to set priorities in mylife. It led to a very orderly life and it taught me self discipline—a very valuable lesson, without which I could never have walkeda pilgrimage. I carried it right into my adult life.
I received no formal religious training as a child. (It would beless that I would have to undo from my mind later on!) My first viewinside a church was when I was twelve years old and I lookedthrough the doorway of a Catholic church to watch janitors cleanthe cathedral. When I was sixteen I entered a church for the firsttime to attend a wedding.
When I was a senior in high school I began to make my searchfor God, but all my efforts were in an outward direction. I wentabout inquiring, “What is God? What is God?” I was most inquisitiveand I asked many questions of many people, but I never received anyanswers! However, I was not about to give up. Intellectually I couldnot find God on the outside, so I tried another approach. I took along walk with my dog and pondered deeply upon the question.ThenI went to bed and slept over it. And in the morning I had my answerfrom the inside, through a still small voice.
Now my high school answer was a very simple answer—that wehuman beings just lump together everything in the universe which isbeyond the capacity of all of us, and to all those things togethersome of us give the name God.Well, that set me on a search. Andthe first thing I did was to look at a tree, and I said, there’s one. All ofus working together couldn’t create that one tree, and even if itlooked like a tree it wouldn’t grow.There is a creative force beyondus. And then I looked at my beloved stars at night and there’s another.
There’s a sustaining power that keeps planets in their orbit.
I watched all the changes taking place in the universe. At thattime they were trying to keep a lighthouse from washing into thesea. They finally moved it inland and said they had saved it. But Inoticed all these changes and I said, there’s another. There is somethingmotivating towards constant change in the universe.
When I reached confirmation from within I knew beyond alldoubt that I had touched my highest light.
Intellectually I touched God many times as truth and emotionallyI touched God as love. I touched God as goodness. I touchedGod as kindness. It came to me that God is a creative force, a motivatingpower, an over-all intelligence, an ever-present, all pervadingspirit—which binds everything in the universe together and giveslife to everything.That brought God close. I could not be where Godis not.You are within God. God is within you.
I was working in the five-and-ten-cent store between my juniorand senior year in high school. I just loved the work, especiallyfixing up counters so they would look pretty.They even let me fix up the windows because I liked to do that.Well, you know, I wascheaper than a window decorator!
I had two registers at my counter. One day I didn’t have theproper change in one register so naturally I went over to the otherand rang “no sale” and took out the change. Then I discovered I hadcommitted a cardinal sin. I heard them whispering, “She rang ‘nosale’!” The male floorwalker came over and said, “Come with me.”
He put me at a counter in a corner that needed fixing up. He left methere, and then came back and said,“Why did you do that?” I replied,“I still don’t know what I did. I just took change out of the register—I didn’t steal any money.” He said, “You were instructed never to ring‘no sale’.” I answered, “I wasn’t instructed at all.”
Then he went to the female floorwalker who was supposed toinstruct me. I was reinstated. But, because of the incident, she thenhated me. I knew that something needed to be done about it.Then Ipassed her desk and noticed a few faded flowers there. The nextmorning I brought her a beautiful bouquet of flowers from mygarden. I said, “I noticed those faded flowers. I know you love flowersand here are some from my garden.” She couldn’t resist them. At theend of the week we walked out of there arm in arm!
I feel sure I was being prepared for the pilgrimage when I readthe Golden Rule in history, “Do unto others what you would haveothers do unto you”—expressed in a lot of different ways and pointingout that every culture had one. It got an inner confirmation fromme. It affected my entire life. In fact, there were certain offshoots ofthe Golden Rule which carried over even into the pilgrimage.WhenI was in high school I had a little saying, If you want to make friends, youmust be friendly. If you analyze it, that is an offshoot of the GoldenRule. It is a recognition that people react according to the influencesbrought to bear upon them. I have it in my life today with my littlesaying, If you want to make peace, you must be peaceful.
I put the Golden Rule into practice just beyond my studentdays. I was given a job that one of my girl friends wanted, and I waselected to an office in the community club that she also wanted. Shethought she hated me. She said all kinds of mean things about me. Iknew it was a very unhealthy situation. So I hauled out the GoldenRule—I thought of and said every possible kind thing that could truthfully be said about her. I tried to do her favors. It fell to my lotto do her a significant favor. And to make a long story short, whenshe was married a year later I was maid of honor at her wedding. Seehow a little bit of spiritual practice goes a long way?
I know I was being prepared for the pilgrimage when I madecertain choices. For instance, I was in grammar school when I wasoffered cigarettes from a package, which I did not smoke but myfriends did. In high school I was offered all kinds of alcohol, which Idid not drink but my friends did. Then just after my student days Iwas faced with a kind of test because all of my friends at that timeused both alcohol and tobacco. There was such a push toward conformityin those days—they call it peer pressure now—that theyactually looked down on me because I didn’t do these things. Andgathered in someone’s living room I said to them, “Look, life is aseries of choices and nobody can stop you from making yourchoices, but I have a right to make my own choices, too. And I havechosen freedom.”
I also made two very important discoveries as time went on. Inthe first place, I discovered that making money was easy. I had beenled to believe that money and possessions would insure me a life ofhappiness and peace of mind. So that was the path I pursued. In thesecond place, I discovered that making money and spending it foolishlywas completely meaningless. I knew that this was not what I washere for, but at that time I didn’t know exactly what I was here for.
It was really the realization that money and things would notmake me happy that got me started on my preparation for the pilgrimage.
You may wonder how in the world I got involved withmoney and things in the first place, but you see, we are taught thesesets of opposites which are extremely confusing.
I was very fortunate in that I was only confused by one of thesesets of opposites; most people are confused by both.
On the one hand I was trained to believe that I should be kindand loving and never hurt anybody, which is fine. On the other hand I was trained to believe that if so ordered it is indeed honorable tomaim and kill people in war.They even give medals for it. Now thatone did not confuse me. I never believed there was any time underany circumstances when it was right for me to hurt anybody.
But the other set of opposites confused me for awhile...I wastrained to be generous and unselfish, and at the same time trainedto believe that if I wanted to be successful I must get out there andgrab more than my share of this world’s goods. These conflictingphilosophies which I had gathered from my childhood environmentconfused me for some time. But eventually I uprooted this falsetraining.